fourteen

So, time is starting to move along pretty steadily. It's been two weeks since I kissed my sweet fiance goodbye at the pier, two weeks of getting used to the gaping hole in my heart and the deafening silence in the house. In some ways it feels like he's been gone for months, and in other ways I'd swear he just left yesterday (like, oh my god, why do I STILL have so much of his laundry coming out of the dryer??)

It's been a rough transition. I mean, it always is, but this one is harder than I'd expected. It's different this time.

Luckily, school is keeping me busy. That's kind of an understatement...I don't know why I thought that Statistics 390 would be fun cut with a little Astronomy. I haven't done this much math in my entire life. I'm holding a B in Stats, though, and scored a huge victory in Astronomy today: one of my assignments this week was a hugely lengthy exploration of the electromagnetic spectrum (that's a vague summary, sorry), and I scored 102% on it. I nearly passed out when my score flashed on screen. I haven't been so relieved or excited or astonished in my whole life. It brought my score up to an A in the class. There are. no. words.

I think I'm going to go sit on the couch and revel in the sheer amazingness of it.

Good night, y'all!

huh?

So, I forgot how much these first couple of days suck. Especially right now, in the late afternoon, when Adam should be coming home from work and walking in the door and kissing me hello. No such luck today, though. Oh, well, only a few hundred more days...

My concentration skills are severely lacking today. I went on a sales call this morning, and the MA was trying to set up a follow up call. He suggested a day and time, and I guess I repeated back an entirely different day and time without realizing something was odd until I saw the look of utter bewilderment on his face. It was actually kinda funny. We got our calendars synced, eventually, and I realized I'm going to have to mainline coffee straight into my veins for a few weeks.

My concentration skills aren't helping me with school right now, either. Arizona State requires another science, since my UOG credits were starting to expire, so I jumped into an astronomy class/lab. Stars are easy, right? Uh, no. I didn't even stop to think about the sheer ridiculousness of the math behind astronomy. I'm up to my eyeballs in excruciating geometry problems, and compounding the struggle is a batch of TAs who won't answer emails. I'm also taking a statistics class, which is also math intensive. And both classes are 7 week intensive courses, which is good in that I'll be done quickly, but the sheer quantity of work I have every day is kind of crazy. The next 7 week term should be easier: I'm taking all upper division Political Science classes, which shouldn't require so much math. I hate math. So far, I'm holding A's in both classes. Let's see if I can keep it up. :)

Actually, speaking of school, I've probably been procrastinating long enough, and I should probably go jump back into my homework. Wish me luck!

New beginnings

So we're less than two weeks into 2012, and it's already looking like it's going to be one of those landmark, life-changing, amazing years. I've been meaning to get back into blogging for awhile, and I figured that this is probably as good a time as any.

I felt so stuck for so long. Lately, though, it's been kind of amazing to break free of that sense of paralysis. I feel like a baby bird who suddenly figured out how to fly. I have days where I'm absolutely overwhelmed with joy and gratitude...I never imagined I'd be suddenly handed so many second chances, a way to wipe the slate clean and completely start over, and I feel like a giant weight has been lifted from my shoulders. It's amazing. I don't know how else to put it. A beloved old friend talked me into taking that first big leap of faith a few months ago, and it started the ball rolling...and, wow, things get better every single day.

My kind, handsome, funny fiance left on deployment this morning. Kissing him good bye and watching him man the rails from the end of the pier was so hard...but honestly, it wasn't as hard as I was afraid it would be. He has been blessed with a truly great division on a fantastic ship, and I think that's going to make this cruise so much easier on both of us. It helps, too, that one of the sailors in his division has an awesome wife here in San Diego, too. We waved good bye to the ship together, and it made it so much easier. It was actually unbelievably awesome, seeing the ship set sail in the golden glow of dawn, on the glassy surface of the San Diego Bay. I can't describe how proud it made me. The ship had to take on some additional supplies at another base in the harbor, so a bunch of us held a picnic on a nearby beach. It was so much fun to meet a bunch of the other spouses, and I am genuinely excited about getting to know them. Eventually, the ship left the bay, and waving good bye as she vanished into the haze was an oddly comforting thing. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this, which was something I was more worried about than I think I was willing to admit.

I know that there will be some terribly lonely moments ahead, but for the most part I think this will be a good deployment and an amazing opportunity for us to strengthen our relationship. Adam is my best friend, my Prince Charming, the man of my dreams, whether he's snuggled on the couch with me or halfway around the world. And knowing that he's coming home soon(ish), and that we're getting MARRIED in 283 days, makes my heart so happy.